To All of the Friends I’ve Lost

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for forgetting to call or text on your birthday, or even post on your Facebook wall. I’m sorry that a Facebook “Happy Birthday” is worth so little.

I’m sorry that it’s become common practice to “like” your status or your Instagram pic, and that almost constitutes “keeping in touch.”

I’m sorry that because I know through social media who you’re dating, where you work, or what degree you’ve just obtained, that I feel as though we’ve “caught up.”

I’m sorry that I didn’t call you when you got a promotion, or got engaged, or moved to a new city, because I felt that it would be awkward now.

I’m sorry that the phrase “It’s a two-way street” has become a part of my vernacular, and that because you haven’t reached out to me, I chose to do the same.

I’m sorry if we had an argument and let our friendship fade away, and I refused to be the bigger person and try to make amends.

I’m sorry that my younger self thought only of the future, and only made the effort to stay in contact with those who were headed in the same direction (physically or otherwise) as I.

Because at one time, you and I shared something. We shared dance recitals, yearbook meetings, or journalism class. We shared homework, bottles of liquor, clothes, and stories of broken hearts and awkward hookups. We shared trips across the city and the globe. Through circumstance, we were brought together, and over the course of a few months or years, we exchanged text messages, secrets, and a part of ourselves. We talked on the phone for hours into the night, or we passed endless notes back and forth to one another, giving each other advice or simply comfort.

It gets harder and harder to make and maintain friendships, and no one wants to be the one who puts themselves out there. So please know that I’d love to hear from you, and catch up. I know that we don’t know each other very well anymore, but I want you to know, I still care. Even if we can’t be friends anymore. But I hope that maybe someday, we can.

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