The other day, as I was backing up my hard drive, I decided to look through my old documents. This is my second MacBook, and I only managed to get a few things off of my old one after it was ruined from water damage. It was strange to go back and read my old poems/songs, remembering each moment of sadness and heartbreak, yet feeling as though it happened to another person entirely. Though most of this poetry was only written as a form of personal therapy, I thought I’d publish some of it here anyway, as a way of letting go of my past self, and embracing the new.
A Sad Attempt at Explanation
I think it’s safe to say that I don’t know myself these days
Maybe I’m learning through some unconventional ways
And that night was all but pleasure, it was fear and it was pain
So I let myself go-I cry for us, as you ask me to explain
You’ve always been too good for me
From the day you stole my heart
If I keep playing games like this
It’ll likely rip us right apart
So I’ve changed-I hope you see it
Every day’s a brand new start
We’ll paint this picture of forever
What a perfect work of art
When you ask me to describe to you this nightmare that I had
I wonder if I spit it out it won’t be quite so bad
Could you see it was an accident I wanted to deny
If you can forgive me somehow we will get by
desire pulses thru the air
feels as fluid as your smile
in love nothing’s ever fair
and I’ve been wanting this awhile
could you feel it in my touch?
our chemistry has never faded
we’re been drinking way too much
hope I don’t come across as jaded
that weekend burned into my brain
torched my conscience to the ground
only with you I go insane
treasure this madness we have found
half a decade as your friend
strings haven’t frayed with passing time
in 5 more years, will it all end?
trade the penny for a dime
we fell in love
then we fell apart
the years go by
you’re still in my heart
while I am here
and you stay there
despite it all
I will always care
Words to lips
and lips to cheek
I’ll stay right here for now.
Your persistence is endearing,
Your love is overwhelming,
but I will not change my mind.
“I miss you”s are restrained
Just give me time,
give me space.
Separate but together,
the struggle continues
and tongue in cheek
Nothing is ever solved.