Where do we go from here?

I know (and most of you can probably tell) that I’m a fairly emotional person, but the last few days ALL I’ve wanted to do is cry. And for once, it’s not something I can really blame on hormones. So what is it? I can’t stop thinking about how I have just a little over two weeks left in London.

I’ve gone on vacations, but usually by the end, I’m ready to come back to my comfy water bed and sweet dog and cat. Even after traveling thru Spain and Greece over spring break, I had an amazing time, but by the last few days I was sick of living out of a suitcase and was longing for Manson Place.

But seriously- ALL that I miss about the U.S. are the people that I love. And I guess I’ve decided that I miss the service industry a little- I won’t be complaining about tipping for quite some time. Other than that? I could stay here forever.

The more I think about it though, the more I realize that it’s not so much London I’ll miss, but this semester itself. Last fall was the first time since freshman year that I hadn’t lived with my best friends, and it was incredibly lonely. This semester was like living at 2216 all over again, only with a LOT more people. I remember being so scared that any of these people would even like me, and messaging Jess about it on tumblr. How funny is it to think back on that?

I was told this before I came, and I never doubted it for a second, but this truly was the best semester of my life. I partied almost every weekend (and some weekdays), hooked up with all of the wrong people, procrastinated on every assignment, stayed up late talking and laughing about things we’ll never remember, and everything else a college student should do. And now? It’s over. Not just London, but my college career. God willing, I will pass (just barely) all of my classes, and in two weeks, I’ll have completed my bachelor’s degree.

I’ve probably mentioned this, but I like change. That being said, I don’t do well with goodbyes. I mostly avoid them- even when my mom was saying goodbye to me at the airport, I tried to end it as soon as possible so I wouldn’t start bawling like her. So how am I supposed to say bye to all of this? To London, to my friends here, to school and possibly Philadelphia forever? I have no idea when I’ll be seeing any of these people ever again. Oh, some of us we’ll try and stay in contact, and we may catch up online occasionally, and even successfully plan some sort of get-together, but even if that happens, will I be able to go?

The rest of my life is currently an open-book for the first time EVER, and it scares me shitless. I don’t want to rush into grad school or anything like that, because I’m not positive what I really want to do with my life. (Note: ‘Successful’ by Drake just came on my Grooveshark. Irony, Alanis?) I have no job prospects, no boyfriend, no where to live except with my parents. And while that’s fine for the summer, I don’t think I’ll be able to stay in one place for too long. After London, I know I want to be out on my own as soon as possible. Which means getting a job and money, pronto.

I know this was a total ramble, but I’ve been anticipating this post for a very long time. All now all the clichés apply: the end is near, I’ve reached the finish line, etc. The only things I’ve ever been of are: I want to be happy, write to some degree, and make a difference in the world. And now I know that I absolutely want to travel, or at least live somewhere other than Allentown, PA.

Anyone feel like telling me what to do now?


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