Reflection and all that.

I haven’t blogged in a very long time, and once again, I keep feeling as though I’m really missing out by not expressing myself through my once-beloved outlet of writing. So here I go, again. And as usual, I have so much to say- more than I can really comprehend.

My current situation is that I just began my senior year at Temple, and I’m scared shitless. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life, so I’m trying to keep myself as busy as possible in order to a. open up as many doors as possible for myself and b. keep myself distracted. I’m only taking 13 credits, but I’m taking the incredibly-difficult journalism capstone course (formally known as MURL) in addition to volunteering at Tree House, working two jobs, and trying to go to the gym 4 days a week. Oh, and I’m also the co-president of Temple’s magazine journalism networking organization, ED2010.

There is also a third reason why I’m trying to keep myself so busy: Ben is in Italy this semester. Despite the fact that I can never really define our relationship when asked, I knew I would miss him a lot while he’s gone. And what do you know, I was right.

I’m renting an apartment for the semester. I like it- I like having my own room with lot’s of space and light, my own bathroom, and two roommates who I will be pleasant to, but don’t have to be friends with. I’m going to be very lonely, I think. But in a good way. I need to be alone- to learn to grow and function on my own. To be motivated only by myself.

I’m not planning to write for the newspaper this semester. Despite my on-and-off love with journalism (similar to that with Ben), I think we need some time apart. I need to figure out what’s best for me in the long run, and where my passion truly lies. I’m drawing parallels in all areas of my life, it seems.

I’m trying to find happiness within myself. Key there- MYSELF. As in, without anyone else. I’m trying to grow up, and figure out what I want out of life. I’m trying to do everything I can to move forward, not live in the past. And apparently, I’m just being philosophical here, so I guess I should end this, because it’s not really helping me organize my thoughts.

I’m so overwhelmed. I hope this semester is manageable. I just want to be in London, where I can grow and thrive somewhere OTHER than Pennsylvania, aka the only place I’ve ever lived.

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